Smokescreen

Something that appears to be something it's not. I find myself here. Everything around me. The same feeling as if one would get when turning the pages to a new chapter. Not a new beginning, there is no such thing. Beginning's are comprised of the past and the present. The page is turning. 

It's amazing how much actually happens in a years span. I was reminded of that as I read my prior posts except it's been about 3 years to be exact. I can't possibly fill in the blanks in one blog. So I will try my best to say it in a few sentences. After all less is always more: 

2010. Excitement. New chapter. New faces. Familiar places. Caught up. All is good. Bad news. Finding the diamond in all that rough. Going back on a promise only to survive. Respecting myself even if that meant telling my boss to go fuck himself. The reality of it all. Back in square one. Building a window when all you want is a new door that comes knocking. Making it work. Random encounters with old acquaintances. 2012. A year like no other. Life moves really fast. It all makes sense. Every single thing that never did, now makes perfect sense. Progression. Career. More money. Life continues to go really fast. The plateau. Refamiliarizing myself the reality of positive reinforcements. LA. I'm really here. Someone else's dollar. Sun. Glad to be back. Finish what I attempted to start in 2001. Lucky. Everything come's with strings. Jet setter. Familiar faces in familiar places. Where is home? Lost. Huge apartment. Surreal moment. Time passes by really fast. NYC. Hurricane Sandy. LA. Unsure. Christmas. Family. Fun. So much fun. LA. Fast forward. NYC. Brooklyn. It was like a dream. I'm awake. Honeymoon feeling. Honeymoon over. South Beach, Miami. Best place ever. NYC. rat race. I know what this next chapter is called. I'm strategically planning...

I can see beyond the smokescreen:)

Third time's a charm...

Like I said earlier, I try not to make plans. Some times at least in my experience you have a change of plans. At least I've had a change of plans. It seems I can't stay away from her for too long. However the time away is necessary in order to move forward. It was July 2009. The end of the month was near and I knew my time here would be coming to an end. I had many thoughts and emotions running through my mind. It was happening so fast. I sometimes felt a moment of clarity going up to the roof top @ 228 Bleecker St. On that particular day I took my "book of dreams" and pen with me. This is what came about.........

"I'm obsessive, I'm compulsive

I'm the host with the most.

I do a little bit of this and a lot of that.

She call's my name

She say's Yo what's up

She blows smoke in my face like a can of mace

She let's me drink all I can take

& even makes me stay up late.

She's a lady I could

never hate

But good luck getting a date.

She's always on extremes.

It's hard to even find a middle ground.

Can you groove to this sound?

It's all good.

No one is around

She sparkles like she wears lots of ice.

Don't let her fool you,

She's old but also looks new.

She will lure you and lust you.

Might keep you around for a year or a few.

Once she's done with you,

You'll be one of the rest.

Go ahead put

your self to the test.

All in all she is grand and mighty.

Stands tall and glimmers day or night

Kind of like a Monet

looks good from afar, but far from good."

and that was my take on NYC on that particular stormy day when my time there was coming to an end. Some how I have paid attention to the signs. I asked the universe to give me a sign on whether or not I should

return to NYC or stay put here in Austin. Until now I have never seen so many signs. They are everywhere. Samantha from "Sex in The City" once led me back to NYC. Third time's a charm. I followed the signs. See ya soon Gotham City.

Exactly where I need to be?

Took a plane from JFK one day.

Unaware of what today may bring.

I was rushing

late as usual, unaware I'd find a full airport terminal.

I mean it was Thursday July 30, 2009 @ 8am.

Moments like these feel so surreal. It almost as if I have gone into auto pilot.

I kissed my two boys and looked into" his" eyes and asked him not to cry.

I could not help but feel this was all too familiar. So that makes it a bit easier.

Knowing one day I will find my way back to Gotham City. Unaware of when.

I could not think of the situation at hand

for it was a major one.

Leaving Gotham City... for the second time.

So many thoughts, memories flashing through my head as I sit on an A train Howard Beach bound.

That day was a sunny humid day. Nothing like a humid summer morning in Gotham City.

So on that humid summer morning in Gotham City I Jet Blue'd it to Austin, TX.

That's how I ended up here in Austin, Tx.

This is the beginning.

"B-SQUARED"

Awake at Night

A little something from circa '05

The time is now but the answer isn't right.

Out goes another light.

Why you gotta be so complicated?

You lift me up just to knock me down.

Everyone sleeps at night in this city, where no one sleeps.

Why you gotta be so complicated?

You lift me up just to knock me down.

Come on take a ride.

I may let you off at the next stop or keep you here forever.

Why you gotta be so complicated?

You lift me up just to knock me down.

The time is now.

Can you hear me?

She is calling you.

New York the master of disguises.

The Return of Venus

Sometimes it's good to start at the end. Sometimes it's good to start at the beginning. I've always moved to my own beat. So with that said I'm gonna start right here. Right now. Everything else will fall into place as the journey begins. Just for those of you that are slow, the context of the word journey as used here refers to this journey the one I'm about to begin. It's about everything and nothing all at once.

Crossroads happen sometimes in life. I've been there plenty of times, this ain't no thing. If I made it there, I can make it anywhere. Here is where I am. Right here in Austin, Tx. I had taken

a long hiatus from my home state...The Lone Star state. The state that is so big it takes many hours to drive from east to west, north to south. The state that once was it's own country. That's crazy. It's wack.

I hope not to make Nyc jealous from my relationship with southern belle state of Texas. Well it's not Tx that I'm crazy about, but Nyc should be a bit jealous because I'm falling for Austin. Not a bad thing, just not part of the plan...

Speaking of plans I find sometimes it is best not to make plans. Sometimes you just happen to change your mind in between making plans and the actual plans. I might not make plans, but plans should never be confused with goals. Goals are

things we set out to achieve, plans I don't make. Call me and we can go from there. It's that much easier.

So I don't really have a gimmick, at least not yet. I can definitely promise true stories that you won't be able to wait to read the next one. There will be a few cliff hangers here and there. A few rants and raves. Music. Boys. Boys with beards. Next time remind me to tell you about how I got here. Here in ATX. . Welcome

to the beginning of everything and nothing all at once. Signing out for the night, yours truly,

"B.Squared"